Settle Down

I recently had a conversation with a close friend of mine about growing and maturing over the years. Sitting back and realizing that we were not the same people we were four years ago. The things we did , allowed and maybe didn’t do has changed. We have changed as individuals. The conversation continued about relationships and I stated because of the growth and maturity I wouldn’t settle for anything and tolerate certain things from someone who’s interested in dating me. Now I’m not asking for the perfect man just the perfect man for me. I do have a quote on quote list of qualities that I would love to have in a man. And honestly I do think he’s out there. I know God has someone out there just for me. I’m not saying he won’t have flaws because we all do but his imperfections will be minor to all the greatness he embodies. But until the day I met my future husband, I refuse to settle with someone that doesn’t meet my standards. 
Growing up and dating I would allow certain actions from a guy not realizing my worth. I didn’t truly understand that I was deserving of something much more. Of course I would think it when I guy did something fucked up and even say it out loud at times but never really put my foot down and demanded the respect that I deserve. I was too busy worrying about being liked and just having some attention that I forget that I was a child of God and I was worth so much more. And as certain events in my life played out and I started to really see people true colors , I started to have serious conversations with myself. I started to realize that if I don’t end this cycle of settling I would never truly be happy and that void inside of me would never be filled. Real growth and maturity is hard and it brings along a lot of pain because you start to realize those who said they love you and will always be there for you weren’t really in your corner at all and that they were actually bringing you down. But with that pain you start to feel that weight lifted off your shoulders and you start to become comfortable and happy in your own skin. You realize that you were settling and that you deserve better. 

It took me years to understanding this and I honestly wish I would’ve had this strength years ago but I’m happy I have it now and this is something I’ll never let go of. I’m putting myself in a position to where I’m ready for my future husband by taking care of myself and living up to the standards and potential God intended for me. I’m worrying less about what others think and me and more focus on being a better me. Now I’m not saying these steps are easy because there will be times where you’re going to feel doubtful and you’re going feel like settling because it seems better than not having nothing at all. But to the beautiful well deserving woman that’s reading this, girl you are worth and worthy of so many great things and settling for something less will not bring you happiness. That feeling you feel in your gut to let go and move on , listen to it and aspire for greatness and for someone who knows your worth. Because honey I see it in you and if I see it know that one worthy guy will see it too. Don’t settle when you deserve so much more. 

-Sincerely Sid 

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Comfort Zone 

This post was inspired by a video I seen in Facebook. The video was about letting God change the way you think about certain things and certain people in your life and allowing the negative ones to exit your life. Many of us are not comfortable and are scared of change. We rather stick to what we know which results in us staying in dead end relationships ( romantic and friendships), staying is the same neighborhood, not taking that promotion or other jobs, not going away for school or starting that business and many other things. We’re so scared to step out of our comfort zone because it’s the unknown. We’re scared of failure and what others would say or think. But what we fail to realize is that those same people who have something negative to say or bring negative vibes to your life are the same people who has been stuck in the same place in life for years because they’re too afraid to take that step out of their comfort zone. Don’t be that person. Don’t continue that cycle of negativity and being complacent. 

This video really touched home for me. I’m going through a period in my life where I’m trying to meet new people and expand my horizons but also trying to eliminate people who aren’t there for me , those who are distractions , and just negative people period. And after listening to that video , I realized this is not the time to be complacent. We need to step out of our comfort zone and strive for greatness. We need to push ourselves to grind harder , work smarter , and eliminate all negativity and distractions from our lives. This is time to reach for your dreams and accomplish all the goals you set forth for yourself. Don’t allow others fear stop you from what God has in store for you. Take that next step and start being great. Start being the you God intended you to be. I can’t handle distractions and neither should you. 

-Sincerely Sid 
Link to the video is below: 

I can’t handle distractions 

Issa Date

If you read my previous post “Single and ready to mingle” , then you’ll know that I’m in fact single and ready to mingle. I’m ready to date and get to know different people and narrow down things I like and don’t like in a partner. But let me get something straight, I am not desperate and I will not allow just anyone in my life and I will not be treated with disrespect. So this post is dedicated to my thoughts on dating and what dating is to me. 

First let’s talk about what is actually dating because it seems as if this generation has that word all screwed up. So here the definition:

“Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage. ” – Wikipedia 

When you’re dating someone you’re trying to get to know them and vice versa. You guys go out to multiple social outings and have great conversations and so on. Now with that being said, you are allowed to date multiple people at a time. Yes people you can date multiple people at a time. This doesn’t make you a hoe. You’re trying to figure out what you like in a person. How can you do that if you’re focusing all your time into one person. Social media has portrayed dating in this light that at a young age you dedicate all your time to one person and if you so ever dare try to date multiple people you’re a hoe, dog , slut and whatever else they like to use. That my friends is not called dating. That’s a relationship. An exclusive relationship. An exclusive relationship and dating is two completely different things that too many people get confuse. When you in a relationship that’s when you’re trying to work it out for the long run with that one person. But now of days people skip right over dating and straight into relationships without really knowing who they’re in a relationship with. And that’s what dating is about – getting to  know who that person is before jumping into a relationship with them. But what you allow during during is also very important and shall be discussed in my next post 🙂

-Sincerely Sid

Single and ready to mingle

You know, I believe I have accomplished a lot in these 22 years of life. I graduated college at 21, have traveled and not slowing down no time soon, have a full time job with benefits, great friends who are also successful and a wonderful family. I have started to do things that make me happy and is focus on things that are self improving. But thing I have been lacking in is the love department. I have been single for so long,  being in a relationship is foreign to me. And some people reading this is probably like well you’re only 22, you have your whole life ahead of you. And I don’t disagree there but I would at least like to start dating guys that are headed towards the path of success. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Right ? It’s nothing wrong with being a single successful 22 year old that’s ready to mingle.  I would love to date and see who’s out there and the different things that these guys can bring to the table. I’m at the point of my life where I’m ready to build a foundation. And yes I am only 22 but does that mean I can’t look for love. Or at least hope that it finds me some way some how. And I might not find my husband right away but I can at least figure out what I do and do not like. I mean that’s what dating is for. But getting out there and wanting to date is only half the battle. It’s who you date and what you allow while you’re dating is what really matters. But I guess you’ll just have to tune in next time to read my thoughts on that.

-Sincerely Sid

Curve Ball

Life can be scary. No life is scary. It’s scary as shit. Why ? Because you never know what’s around the corner. You can plan your life out to the tee and will be hit with a curve ball when you least expect it. But who says those curve balls are all negative. They’re usually not. At least that’s how I look at them. Curve balls teach you a lot about who you are as a person, push you in ways you have never been pushed before and you learn who’s really in your corner. Now I’m not saying those curve balls thrown at you won’t be hard , stressful, painful or any type of bump in the road because believe me it will be. But they’re just that , bumps in the road. Don’t let the hard times to allow you to pass up on your dreams , your passions and your gift. Those hard times are just a test of your strength and a test of your faith.  I’m a true believer that God wouldn’t put anything in your way that you couldn’t overcome. To the person reading this please remember… You are strong. Stronger than you think. You made it this far and you’re still going so don’t stop now. You can do it. Believe in yourself because I believe in you.

– Sincerely Sid

Why I didn’t go to a HBCU

Yes, I am an African American. And yes, I’m very pro black. But no, I did not attend a HBCU ( Historically Black College and University) for my undergrad.  And some may ask well can you be pro black and not attend a HBCU?  Guess what?? I am walking proof that yes you can be very much so pro black and not attend a HBCU. There’s not a rule saying to prove you’re pro black you have to go to a HBCU.  And I know everyone don’t think this way but you’ll be surprise of some of the conversations I have had about going to a HBCU vs a PWI ( predominately white institution) and how a HBCU is better for the black community.

Now you may ask, well why didn’t you go to Spelmen, TSU, Morgan State or any other HBCU? Well believe it or not, attending a HBCU was the goal growing up.  All throughout high school I just knew I was attending a HBCU and I was proud of it.  Now this didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in other schools that were PWIs. But I naturally leaned towards my own.  As it grew closer to apply for college and I had to really figure out those next steps in my life, I really had to sit down and think about what I wanted for myself during and after college.   I had to look at what major suited me, financial means, distance from home and other things.  Going into college I wanted to major in marketing and minor in telecommunications.  Now, I don’t know about you all but I don’t know many HBCUs that have a strong marketing and telecommunication program at the time I was looking. From what I knew, most HBCUs strong areas of study were more in science, math, technology, engineering and history.  I wanted to be apart of a program that will have the faculty, equipment, resources and connections to help me be successful in my future career path. However, my journey led me to Ball State University, which is by every since of the word a PWI.  But their marketing and telecommunication program was one of the top programs in the nation.  I couldn’t pass that up. Now granted I switched my major and minor to public relations and fashion but still great and amazing programs at Ball State.

Some may ask, Do you regret going to a PWI?, Were they racist? Did they treat you fairly? Were there black people? My answers – No, I do not regret. Going to Ball State was one of the best decisions of my life. As for racism, personally I didn’t have anyone be bluntly racist to my face but there was some things that happened throughout my four years that had my question some of my peers. Yes, I was treated fairly for the most part. And yes there were black people. A lot of black people. My first roommate was black.  But at the end of the day I met some amazing people, black and white. I met my best friends for life there, I had some amazing conversations and got a closer look and insight on how white people think and work, which you are not going to get at a HBCU.  In this world as an African American, I know I’m going have some type of contact with a white person. There’s not doubt about it.  So why not learn their game and beat them at it.  That’s one of the benefits to going to a PWI.  Also having that race conversation with white people who have never met a black person, especially one that is so pro black and not afraid to show it.  Being black at a PWI had it’s challenges but I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything in the world.

With that being said, I love and appreciate HBCUs and those who decide to attend one.  I think it’s important to have educational institutions that has a foundation on black history.  And I will always support HBCUs and those who decided to go. So to all my readers who attends or graduated from a HBCU, thank you.

– Sincerely Sid

What does it mean to be Black

What does it mean to be Black? Hummmm… That’s a really good question. I think it’s a question that only a Black person can answer and every answer will not be the same.  But if you were to ask me, I would say something like this –

I like to think our blackness is unique to the individual and that’s what makes us so special.  As a community our blackness is beautiful, magical, undeniable, unforgettable, bold, strong and just down right amazing.  We are the most unique and special group of human beings on the plant.  Just look at us.  From our smooth skin that comes in varies tones and shades to the texture of our hair. Our hair alone is gold.  As a people, we have been torn down, belittled, killed, raped, and degraded as humans but we continue to stand strong and show how great and amazing we are. And please, don’t get me started on how others try to steal our shine.  Yes, I said steal. Taking something without permission.  Taking something that wasn’t yours to begin with.  Yes, I’m talking about cultural appropriation.  If they didn’t realize how amazing we were, cultural appropriation wouldn’t be thing.  Hell the Kardashidans name wouldn’t mean shit if it wasn’t for cultural appropriation.  But yet if you ask me,  they couldn’t walk a mile in our shoes and deal with what we as African Americans deal with on the day to day bases.  So when someone ask me what does being Black mean to me, I just take a good look at myself and say being Black is the foundation of greatness, is the backbone of success, it is endless joy and passion to live life.  IT’S WHO I AM!! Damn I love being Black.

-Sincerely Sid